Not my deal

you say that all i need to do is jump in. but really what needs to happen is this, i need to see the effort, without that i cannot know that you really want me, and if you don't then so be it...we are over. i told you several times what i don't like and you say o yeah, i'll change it and then you don't. sorry but your excuses suck and quite frankly i'm sick of them, i think i may just be sick of you too.

Heart Racing

i've never had my blood pumping that fast...let's do it again!

i love that feeling that you get right before it happens, it's like no other feeling in the world. mind body and soul racing forward, giving you the go and you cannot control anything else around you. this feeling is better than a high, it's the highest that you can ever be. and then the release and...ahhhhhhh. there's nothing like it.

racing.
racing.
racing.

makes me feel like i am

flying.
flying.
flying.

and no one else can claim that pleasure as their own.

MILK cards

I can fly free

you finalized it. sorry to say it, but it made me happy to hear it come from you. it lifted like a million pounds from me and now all the ends have been tied up. i think that the reason i wasn't ready to move on or to be happy was because i knew what i wanted but i wasn't sure what you wanted, or how you felt, and now that i know...thank you, for everything

Without you

i lived without you and i thought that i had made up my mind. i even read something that related to our situation and made me a stronger believer in myself, so why am i going back again?

Conversation in the Halls

"don't worry about it, she still hasn't paid either, you won't be the last."
"yeah well these two other people still haven't either."
"well they haven't been in school so that's why."
"well the money is getting low and i don't want things to bounce that would be a problem."
*GRUNT*

you know what i feel like doing right now?

I feel like smacking you across your ignorant face and screaming at you to stop making excuses for other people just to make them feel better especially when i am right there. NO...it's not ok, it's been like over a month now and i have been in contact with many of these people several times and i am sick of their stupidity and their daily excuses. anty-up and pay for it already! you wouldn't like it very much if you were in my position either.

Thinker

i thought i was a thinker, but i guess not...why did i do this? i guess that i was not thinking. maybe now i can just be a guesser, let's hope i guess the right way more often.

Each Time

each time we choose to give our heart out to someone and we wind up losing them, a little piece of ourself goes with them. keep your heart safe where it belongs and only give it to those who will really take care of you and treasure you otherwise, what will be left for your spouse? you are supposed to give your whole self to your spouse and its the best we can do as humans to make as few mistakes as possible if we can keep most of us intact for them.

Favors

don't walk into the room and give me a smile like you're my friend (even though you are not)...and then throw me under the bus when that's a position you don't want to be in either. it's ok though, i'll return the favor later

everything is black and white, no grey area exists

On a lighter note :)

the countdown has already begun...now all thats left is the waiting till that day arrives where i pack my bags and leave town for a new one. the papers were signed, the money was sent in, and i am off to college in august! yes its scary but its a whole new experience, with all new people, well minus one person i'm not too happy about but i am sure that will be taken care of. anyway its time for a new adventure, time to find myself and start my life. its a new beginning, the chance of a lifetime, and a risk not enough people decide to take. come august, get ready to open your doors because here i come!

Duality

why can i not believe you. i want to be able to trust you so badly and in a way i guess i do i just don't know who to believe. on one hand you're a manipulative jerk who was hurt by your best friend and on the other hand you're a more sensitive guy who likes to go out and have fun. why do i feel that i cannot believe either of you. one of you tells me that it was just a few and the other tells me you were like pounding them down. i want to believe you but i also know that it sounds pretty characteristic of you to be the other way. why would you not just tell me the truth, it hurts more to know that you think i would take your head off so you tell me lies, but i know that if i asked you, it would still be denied. so are you really lying, or am i just being manipulated again.

i have to get out! i cannot do any of this anymore but i just put myself back into both situations, and i feel as though i cannot leave. do i just put all of this behind me and take it for what it is? i mean i myself am leaving in three months anyway so i won't have to be around it but i have to learn who to believe. i feel that i have learned nothing about being taken advantage of because it happens time and time again by you the jerk, and you the more sensitive one, and others still.

.............................................................................

.................................what i've done...................................

CRAZY!!!

why is it that people always look at you like you are crazy when they know exactly what you are talking about?

DRIVES ME NUTS!

Socks

i lost another sock to the washer today...why is it that they always seem to go missing after you do laundry and then you get left with half a pair, its incomplete and never to be a pair again. o wait, haha, here in my sister's cave of a room is this gargantuan pile of clothing i will refer to as mount everest, is the sock i was looking for. you can always count on her to have whatever article of clothing it is that you are looking for whether it be a shirt, pants, leggings, sweaters etc. only you can never find them when you are looking for them. and i see where the problem started because there is another one of my socks on her foot...how peculiar because i do not recall ever giving her any of my socks or any other article of clothing for that matter. so thank you sis, i am climbing to the summit of that mountain in your room and reclaiming all that is rightfully mine. i'll see you when i get back but don't hold out for too long, i might be awhile longer than you think.

Advice column anyone?

so could someone please tell me why it is that i can give good advice, or what i feel is good advice, but if i had to give myself advice i would never be able to follow it. if i could just listen to myself sometimes maybe my life would not be so confusing. maybe this is a characteristic of good advice givers, their talents do not pour into their own lives, they are able to help others, but when it comes to themselves, look out. you could probably run me over with an 18-wheeler and i still would not follow advice from anyone. in my mind things only play out one way, and any advice is not going to change that. i guess maybe we advice givers are not so good at following advice because we think that if we can give it out, why in the world would we need to follow any, our lives should be set right? WRONG...this is just not the case. but i never find anyone else's advice good enough so i guess i should just go sit in the quick sand and wait for it to devour me, because i am not going to start listening anytime soon.

Love Story

boy meets girl.
boy likes girl.
girl likes boy.
boy asks girl out.
boy and girl get married.
boy and girl live happily ever after.

SCRATCH THAT!

when does this actually happen?

here's the real story...

boy meets girl.
boy asks girl out.
girl says no, we're just friends.
boy falls in love with girl anyway.
girl winds up falling in love too.
boy leaves.
girl moves on.
boy returns.

NOTHING HAPPENS!

see real life sucks...its probably better off like this anyway.

now of course, many details have been left out, and we don't know how this story finishes, but...

even if people do wind up getting married its not cheeriness all the time, and thats what a lot of people expect and i think thats a big part of why so many couples are unhappy or wind up divorced. relationships are a lot of work and sometimes people just don't want to deal with it anymore. if you can make it through, good for you, i am happy for you. i just hope that one day i might be that lucky.

Signs

people who believe in signs question whether or not everything could be a sign. and those who do not, know that if there really were to be a sign, you would know when you saw it. well what if you've seen this sign a million times before? does that make it any less of a sign if in the million and first time it finally clicks? what if you know in your heart that the sign is wrong? or have you just convinced you heart to go the wrong way? what do you follow? i guess taking chances is all that really can be done here, and if you mess up or it doesn't feel right...well you followed the wrong sign, or your head told your heart the wrong thing to keep you safe. some say if you don't do anything you will never know. while others will tell you not to do anything because that way you don't chance your feelings or other peoples feelings. that may be the right way to think, but that also may be a scaredy cat approach to life. why does it have to be like this? because we are human, and we need to make mistakes to become who we are really supposed to be and that means taking the wrong following the wrong sign sometimes.

Moving on

i used to think there was nothing wrong with what we did,
and it was ok.
but now i see the truth behind what really went on,
and i want you to know that i am still looking for my first.
i have been so confused,
and now i finally think i have everything figured out;
i have closure and i think i'm finally going to be ok,

i'm moving on.

Texting

why do you text everyone else on the planet when you are with me? this bugs the crap out of me and i know that i have told you sooooooooooo many times and yet you still do it. do you not realize how rude this is? its like:

"hello! i am right here, why are you looking for me in your phone?"

and you can't even carry on a normal conversation with me when you do so what's the point in us hanging out if its not going to be normal, or fun or functioning like a real relationship. do you even remember how to have one of those anymore?


i realize i do it sometimes but at least i tell you what its about, and usually its important stuff like when my sisters or my mom ask me when i will be home.


you can tell your boyfriend you love him sometime else...you say it too many times in a day and you don't even really mean it...who wants to say that through a text anyway.


you say you get annoyed about it too. well who may i ask is in charge of texting on your phone, umm NEWSFLASH...YOU ARE.

"oh haha right..." or "i know, but then he just texts me more" are your two favorite responses