Duality

why can i not believe you. i want to be able to trust you so badly and in a way i guess i do i just don't know who to believe. on one hand you're a manipulative jerk who was hurt by your best friend and on the other hand you're a more sensitive guy who likes to go out and have fun. why do i feel that i cannot believe either of you. one of you tells me that it was just a few and the other tells me you were like pounding them down. i want to believe you but i also know that it sounds pretty characteristic of you to be the other way. why would you not just tell me the truth, it hurts more to know that you think i would take your head off so you tell me lies, but i know that if i asked you, it would still be denied. so are you really lying, or am i just being manipulated again.

i have to get out! i cannot do any of this anymore but i just put myself back into both situations, and i feel as though i cannot leave. do i just put all of this behind me and take it for what it is? i mean i myself am leaving in three months anyway so i won't have to be around it but i have to learn who to believe. i feel that i have learned nothing about being taken advantage of because it happens time and time again by you the jerk, and you the more sensitive one, and others still.