28 January 2010
19 January 2010
Fighter Pilot
"...the only thing better than looking up at the clouds is looking down at them."
-Matthew Ross Smith
18 January 2010
torn
ive been hurt worse, but right now it just feels like i could not be more torn...by someone im not even close to. idk how this all works, and why im feeling this way but its not a good feeling.
Bit of a night
how is it that someone can wind up at a house, in a city with thousands of others just like it, with two of the people in their recent past at aforementioned house, when there are millions of other students or city folk that could have been in that same place?
i guess you could say great minds think alike.
there are two stories here:
one involves a boy and his new "girlfriend". i put that in quotes because i am not quite sure what to call her, i only saw her yesterday. but apparently it "looked forced", this is according to several people who i like to call my girls. now i myself didnt see that, but they did also notice this particular person continuously looking at me....and i did see this. tell me, if you were with a girl who was your potential girlfriend, would you be looking around at a girl who wasn't even a had been? are you still waiting, or hoping, or wanting? what stopped you from anything in the first place? was it me? you? just separation? i have no idea.
now the other story involves a boy and his posse. first, i see one of the boys that this main character calls one of his best friends and i think to myself wow, this main character boy had better not show up. and then you know what? ten minutes later i am standing in the middle of the dance floor (where no one is dancing because there are so many people you can barely move) and guess who walks in...yep, main character boy. so of course, i alert my best friend (who knows all about the previous run-ins with this boy) and she just goes nuts. all night i wind up walking by him, or seeing him, and know that we both are trying to kind of avoid each other, but still keep an eye out. i don't know why exactly this was happening, all that was running through my mind was, "please don't let this boy ask me to dance, or talk to me or anything" but at the same time i wanted him to keep looking, because i still have this little unfinished business i guess you could call it.
anyway, at the end of the night, both stories ended before i left the house because i wound up having so much more fun when the dance floor got a little less crowded and there was room to dance. that was the whole reason i decided to venture out into the city for the third night in a row (the past two were spent walking around because for some reason it was more fun to walk around in heels and a skirt in 40 degree weather for 5 hours than to go to a house...).
so with the stories at an end--for now at least, i found myself a bit disappointed and bit tired, but overall in a thoughtfully happy place.
17 January 2010
thanks
you better marry your best friend, once you find someone and learn to trust them you put your all into that one relationship, so much that you don't have anything left over for anyone else. that's just who
you are. other people can have you as a best friend, but you see them have that same sort of relationship with many other people and it bothers you because you can't have the same. all i'm saying is, you better find that best friend of yours, give them your all, and marry them.
you are. other people can have you as a best friend, but you see them have that same sort of relationship with many other people and it bothers you because you can't have the same. all i'm saying is, you better find that best friend of yours, give them your all, and marry them.
goodness is the pouring out of it
in latin im sure this sounds much different and probably means something a bit different, but this translation means exactly what it says. when people are good, or they "use" their goodness, it just keeps coming, it doesnt stop. kind of like love, if you act in loving ways you will never really lose it, or "fall out of it", it will continue. its like "use it or lose it"
in latin im sure this sounds much different and probably means something a bit different, but this translation means exactly what it says. when people are good, or they "use" their goodness, it just keeps coming, it doesnt stop. kind of like love, if you act in loving ways you will never really lose it, or "fall out of it", it will continue. its like "use it or lose it"
13 January 2010
Conflicts
science does not take into account the love needed for a relationship, but do we really need love to make the relationship produce as it was meant to.
can the two be separated...and should they be?
can the two be separated...and should they be?
naturally
are we a product of our environment? are we a product of our parents? are we a product of ourselves?can we only be this way because of something that was said or taught to us? something that we heard?how can we change our fate? can we even see what it is that could be changed? who are we really our natural selves with? is there a true "natural self" with anyone?
these are all questions that were recently posed to me. questions that don't necessarily be answered. the person who asked then continued to answer asking, we sit here quietly waiting for a lecture, but what is holding us down, what changes behavior here as opposed to all of us walking into a bar and having fun? and what tells us to act that way in a bar? is there really a natural way for any human to act? or do we all just act certain ways because that's how we grew up and we don't know how else to act?
honestly, if humans didn't have any rules from birth all the way through life....how would we act? no folkways, mores, rules , laws whatsoever....
think about it, maybe we cant quite picture it because we have been submerged in it for so long.
when are you going to break those rules, when and with whom are you going to choose to be the natural you?
these are all questions that were recently posed to me. questions that don't necessarily be answered. the person who asked then continued to answer asking, we sit here quietly waiting for a lecture, but what is holding us down, what changes behavior here as opposed to all of us walking into a bar and having fun? and what tells us to act that way in a bar? is there really a natural way for any human to act? or do we all just act certain ways because that's how we grew up and we don't know how else to act?
honestly, if humans didn't have any rules from birth all the way through life....how would we act? no folkways, mores, rules , laws whatsoever....
think about it, maybe we cant quite picture it because we have been submerged in it for so long.
when are you going to break those rules, when and with whom are you going to choose to be the natural you?
11 January 2010
07 January 2010
unpacking my bags
last night i was thinking about it, and i am just plain sick of MOVING.
to me i mean that's what college is really, a bunch of moving.
we finally get back from a break and we are suddenly on the move again, not that i don't enjoy the changes ,but i feel like i never really get a chance to settle in when i want to. things just start getting good at school, and then i am on my way home again.
constant packing and unpacking, we really do it almost every three weeks. maybe its supposed to teach us something about being stable, or being able to deal with more constant change. new people every four months, new environments. preparing us for anything that could be ahead.
to me i mean that's what college is really, a bunch of moving.
we finally get back from a break and we are suddenly on the move again, not that i don't enjoy the changes ,but i feel like i never really get a chance to settle in when i want to. things just start getting good at school, and then i am on my way home again.
constant packing and unpacking, we really do it almost every three weeks. maybe its supposed to teach us something about being stable, or being able to deal with more constant change. new people every four months, new environments. preparing us for anything that could be ahead.
but will i?
i feel like i finally have nothing really negative to say, its so hard to even say this...i am at a loss for words, i know exactly what i want to say here, but at the same time, i dont know
im not confused just at peace with the business of this new semester.
i feel like its a chance for a whole new me...once again.
im not confused just at peace with the business of this new semester.
i feel like its a chance for a whole new me...once again.
03 January 2010
new year, new beginnings
this is what people would like to think, this is what they always tell themselves.
i choose not to believe this, you will always be who you are, you will not change just because the year changes, or the decade, the century or even the millenium.
one night does not change things, people don't quit cold turkey, people don't sober up over night, people cannot change their personalities, people simply cannot help themselves, its part of being human.
the world will always fear the threat of destruction, whether it be armageddon or the turn of the new millenium...if people could just find their happiness in themselves and act in kindness and be less selfish, no one would have to change, no one would have to make resolutions only to find them broken a month a week or a day later.
the new year will not be a new beginning for me, but a continuation on my trek to become who i am and a search for my own happiness...i may adjust the way i arrive at my final destination, but i don't see that as a change, its the fine-tuning of the focus on my life...as i said nothing happens overnight. i'm not expecting it to, and i don't want it to.
i heard today that if you start something too soon, without fully finding "the self" in your life you will question your tracks without even finding yourself at the end. you may not wind up where you are supposed to find yourself.
take it slow, fine-tune yourself, don't expect the change overnight, but instead make goals and try your hardest to achieve them....happiness, kindness and selflessness.
i choose not to believe this, you will always be who you are, you will not change just because the year changes, or the decade, the century or even the millenium.
one night does not change things, people don't quit cold turkey, people don't sober up over night, people cannot change their personalities, people simply cannot help themselves, its part of being human.
the world will always fear the threat of destruction, whether it be armageddon or the turn of the new millenium...if people could just find their happiness in themselves and act in kindness and be less selfish, no one would have to change, no one would have to make resolutions only to find them broken a month a week or a day later.
the new year will not be a new beginning for me, but a continuation on my trek to become who i am and a search for my own happiness...i may adjust the way i arrive at my final destination, but i don't see that as a change, its the fine-tuning of the focus on my life...as i said nothing happens overnight. i'm not expecting it to, and i don't want it to.
i heard today that if you start something too soon, without fully finding "the self" in your life you will question your tracks without even finding yourself at the end. you may not wind up where you are supposed to find yourself.
take it slow, fine-tune yourself, don't expect the change overnight, but instead make goals and try your hardest to achieve them....happiness, kindness and selflessness.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)