i used to think there was nothing wrong with what we did,
and it was ok.
but now i see the truth behind what really went on,
and i want you to know that i am still looking for my first.
i have been so confused,
and now i finally think i have everything figured out;
i have closure and i think i'm finally going to be ok,
i'm moving on.
30 April 2009
29 April 2009
Texting
why do you text everyone else on the planet when you are with me? this bugs the crap out of me and i know that i have told you sooooooooooo many times and yet you still do it. do you not realize how rude this is? its like:
and you can't even carry on a normal conversation with me when you do so what's the point in us hanging out if its not going to be normal, or fun or functioning like a real relationship. do you even remember how to have one of those anymore?
i realize i do it sometimes but at least i tell you what its about, and usually its important stuff like when my sisters or my mom ask me when i will be home.
you can tell your boyfriend you love him sometime else...you say it too many times in a day and you don't even really mean it...who wants to say that through a text anyway.
you say you get annoyed about it too. well who may i ask is in charge of texting on your phone, umm NEWSFLASH...YOU ARE.
"hello! i am right here, why are you looking for me in your phone?"
and you can't even carry on a normal conversation with me when you do so what's the point in us hanging out if its not going to be normal, or fun or functioning like a real relationship. do you even remember how to have one of those anymore?
i realize i do it sometimes but at least i tell you what its about, and usually its important stuff like when my sisters or my mom ask me when i will be home.
you can tell your boyfriend you love him sometime else...you say it too many times in a day and you don't even really mean it...who wants to say that through a text anyway.
you say you get annoyed about it too. well who may i ask is in charge of texting on your phone, umm NEWSFLASH...YOU ARE.
"oh haha right..." or "i know, but then he just texts me more" are your two favorite responses
Hyperhidrosis
welcome to my life.
Hyperhidrosis-
a condition where the body or a localized
part of the body such as the hands, feet and/or
armpits sweat in excess.
ever since about the 10th grade, i thought i was some sort of freakazoid for having this problem. i may not even have this problem, and it may be that the media just likes to come up with some sort of disorder for everything and anything that could appear to be wrong with a human. this is my theory of course but if i take a look around me roaming the streets or the halls of my dear high school i realize i do not have to brave this alone. thank the lord i am not a freak! yeah...i just keep telling myself that. but as some of my closest friends and family have told me, someone will love me for it and tease me till the day i die, and together we will have so many laughs. and well hey...i could use it as a conversation starter, haha NO, can you imagine how that would sound.
anyway, if you are out there thinking you are all alone...you are not my friend....we all have these little quirks about us that we are not so confident about. for me it just happens to be this excessive sweating.
i am always trying to find new ways of lifting my arms or contorting my body to get around without the embarrassment of people screaming, "WOAH, check out that stain!" sometimes i don't shake peoples' hands in church so confidently because i feel bad that mine are dripping and they will inevitably wipe their hand on their pants after shaking mine. oh well, its just a part of me i have to deal with...but check this out!
Hyperhidrosis-
a condition where the body or a localized
part of the body such as the hands, feet and/or
armpits sweat in excess.
ever since about the 10th grade, i thought i was some sort of freakazoid for having this problem. i may not even have this problem, and it may be that the media just likes to come up with some sort of disorder for everything and anything that could appear to be wrong with a human. this is my theory of course but if i take a look around me roaming the streets or the halls of my dear high school i realize i do not have to brave this alone. thank the lord i am not a freak! yeah...i just keep telling myself that. but as some of my closest friends and family have told me, someone will love me for it and tease me till the day i die, and together we will have so many laughs. and well hey...i could use it as a conversation starter, haha NO, can you imagine how that would sound.
anyway, if you are out there thinking you are all alone...you are not my friend....we all have these little quirks about us that we are not so confident about. for me it just happens to be this excessive sweating.
i am always trying to find new ways of lifting my arms or contorting my body to get around without the embarrassment of people screaming, "WOAH, check out that stain!" sometimes i don't shake peoples' hands in church so confidently because i feel bad that mine are dripping and they will inevitably wipe their hand on their pants after shaking mine. oh well, its just a part of me i have to deal with...but check this out!
http://showbiz.sky.com/Celebrity-Sweat-Patches
Annoying things people do
- sniffling
- slurping liquids or pasta
- humming
- cracking knuckles
- tapping fingernails on a hard surfaces
- whistling
- popping gum
- bouncing legs or feet against the floor when sitting in a chair
- chewing loudly or obnoxiously
- pen clicking
- tapping pencils on desks
- say "umm" "uhh" or "like" just to fill empty space
28 April 2009
People Always Leave
people always leave.
this was the inscription i found on my desk one afternoon as i walked into french class. the more i thought about it, the more i realized it was true. something about this little carving in my desk really struck a nerve and got me to thinking...people move out or grow up, friends grow apart or get married and move on, significant others wind up in the back dusty corners of our minds once we ourselves get married, and well, family passes away; one day i will too. and as sad as it is to think about this simple little fact of life, it is just a simple fact that we must accept.
this was the inscription i found on my desk one afternoon as i walked into french class. the more i thought about it, the more i realized it was true. something about this little carving in my desk really struck a nerve and got me to thinking...people move out or grow up, friends grow apart or get married and move on, significant others wind up in the back dusty corners of our minds once we ourselves get married, and well, family passes away; one day i will too. and as sad as it is to think about this simple little fact of life, it is just a simple fact that we must accept.
"Populars"
i was sitting in class and this thought came to mind after a particular someone tripped over a chair....yes, they tripped over a chair. and so i am wondering why exactly this causes such an uproar of laughter. this was not because of the afore mentioned event but because of the particular person who was tripping. earlier in the year this person dropped their papers all over the floor off their desk, and like this most recent time, everyone burst out laughing. why one would thrive off peoples laughter at stupid things they do? i have no idea. as i used to say with my sisters; ATTENTION ALERT!
what puzzles me the most: why, if i did this would people not laugh, but when this particular other person does this, the class laughs? is this person simply that laughable?
what puzzles me the most: why, if i did this would people not laugh, but when this particular other person does this, the class laughs? is this person simply that laughable?
Guess Who
i wish i could say i am proud to call you my dad, but the only thing you've done for me to be proud of is leaving. and you can't even do that.
i'm sorry for you...i hope that you can find the strength to change someday
i'm sorry for you...i hope that you can find the strength to change someday
Have you ever...
have you ever really listened to the lyrics of a song...
i mean really listened, not just heard them?
sometimes i can feel them running through me as if the notes
on the staff were a part of me so closely connected to my own soul.
next time you should try...next time, really Listen
i mean really listened, not just heard them?
sometimes i can feel them running through me as if the notes
on the staff were a part of me so closely connected to my own soul.
next time you should try...next time, really Listen
Don't you think it's funny?
don't you think it's funny how you can be best friends with someone and then all of a sudden you're dropped flat like a pancake? it feels like just yesterday we could sit and laugh for hours and now all i can do is aggravate for hours over what you are doing wrong, or things you tell me or choose not to tell me. the one thing that remained constant in your life, the one thing that was and is and always will be there is me, and what i cannot seem to figure out is how we came to this point. i feel left to the side of the road and like i am being engulfed by the abyss i like to call your new group of friends.
why should i waste my time? i guess because in some part of my heart i believe you are still worth it. i hope i am right and in the end we can get to the other side of this vast ocean that you like to call our friendship.
Blogging
even though i feel i must indulge and subscribe to this phenomenon we call blogging, i ask myself why? as a fellow introvert, i feel very exposed being out here on the net, but i guess that if i am sharing my thoughts with the world i am not as introverted as one might think...or maybe i just need a place gather all my thoughts, or life's little pieces. so here goes, read away, question me, leave comments, whatever you please as i hack out my stories, opinions, and happenings on this keyboard of mine :)
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