i still hate you for that

and i hope that you read this someday and know exactly what i am talking about

So...this is what i know about you.

YOU

1. shower people with compliments
2. get surprised when people can out loud you
3. love flirting
4. like newton faulkner
5. are afraid of commitment
6. disappoint many
   
7. confuse many
8. cannot hold a conversation very well
9. like to wear colorful shoes
10. can control every feeling except for that of lust
11. catch people's attention with your looks
12. i love your laugh
13. i could listen to your voice all day
14. are quirky
15. are easy to be with
16. are confused with your brother
17. perceived as something different than you portray
18. try to keep your life on track
19. deceived me whether you liked it or meant to or not
    

Why is it...I mean, HOW is it that we can simply "fall out of love"?

la dee da

its not good to have any one thing more than any other thing, you have to share all the things in the world...

Vacation

=
Jack Johnson
+
John Mayer

Us

even though i miss everything, im glad that i didn't text. i can't say that i would've regretted doing it, but i am happy this way too.

Umbrella

at the beach.
people tanning.
sans umbrella, the whole day?
jealous much?
uhhhh YES!

Positivity

i have to be more positive...people will like it better and conversations won't end after my short responses; there will be more to say, and more to talk about. but i have to practice because i have a feeling that since i am not used to it, it's going to get a tad awkward.

Minnesota

................................moving.................................

"cellular at SEA"

this is exactly what my phone told me for the last five days...rather annoying actually, because it only allows for emergency calls. but if the cellular was indeed at SEA, who would i call that would know where i was and how to rescue me.


it was so laid back to be out there listening to the waves crash and feeling the drone of the engines and the weight of the ship floating over the massive body of water. it was so relaxing to be apart from all that tied me to this technological world. just being with people, and talking, not facebooking or im-ing or being on the computer for anything less than 7.95 a minute, no calls, no texts, no newspapers, or tv. it was nice.

and now its nice to be refreshed and to be back with my lovely technology. but i have to say it was kind of like a tech detox, and it was good for me.

i am getting you fixed...21 bucks and my love is pure!

my city!

I JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!!!!

i will not judge...anything, ever

i will not judge the things you do because generally they help me to learn about things i have not yet experienced. i am too curious to judge especially when i know that i will soon find myself in situations like that. it's your life and they are your experiences, i don't know what it was like to be there, i don't know what it's like to have your thoughts, so i will never look at you like you're nuts or horrific. that reaction may show on my face but in my heart i am not locking you up on a high shelf, i really just want to know more...so please never fret telling me

take a break from all this crap and maybe things will be put into better perspective for everyone.

Sleepless nights, or mornings

9:15 pm
so i came home last night from work and drank so cold creamed out coffee, of course with sugar...and ate my sandwich.

10:00
i decided to go on the computer

11:41
lost track of time and was still on the computer but decided to go to bed because i was starving and i know that i shouldn't eat right before bed and i didn't want to stay up till 1:00 am

11:43
realize when i see my bed that i have not yet made it again since i cleaned the sheets this morning

11:46
decide not to car about sheets and pillow cases, the pillows, mattress cover, and the down comforter are fine for one night

12:03 am
tossing and turning not able to get to sleep, stomach growling, and for some reason i have this weird feeling in my legs like they need to move around

12:21
still hungry

(i won't tell the rest between now and 2:48 am because its the same as these two previous entries)

2:48
turn over and finally decide to go downstairs and eat something because i am wide awake and starving and i see the lights on down there

2:53
eating some wheat thins, peanut butter, and raspberries (interesting combo i must say)

3:03
decide to go upstairs and read my book "Hero" to see if i can fall asleep

(this does not make me any more tired)

3:46
i decide to turn on the ceiling fan, turn off the light and try to go to sleep

(there is some more tossing and turning and some dreams...but somehow i manage to have only slept for a little over an hour because)

5:05
i wake up once again, hot and restless and wide awake, i try to just fake it at this point because i realize that i am not getting any sleep tonight (or this morning)

7:26
i decide to just give up and get out of bed and shower and eat breakfast because i am still starving, my legs feel weird, and i am still wide awake

i'm thinking maybe it was the coffee
because i never drink it,
and if i do its always before 12:00 pm...

Growing Older

when i get older and if i start to forget, i am sorry.
i don't mean to upset you or make you mad or on your last nerve all the time.
i am telling you this now so that i don't forget to tell you when it really matters.
i hope that you will remember that i told you this and
you'll have it in you to forgive my aging mind.

Today is not the day

i was supposed to be born today, and oftentimes i wonder back to when my mom was still pregnant on her due date...what was she thinking or feeling? (get this darn thing out of me! it's been nine months already and now i have to wait longer!)

i also like to think about how my life would be different had i been born today.
i would not be known as the firecracker with hair to match the colors of the date (july 4). i would not get comments about fireworks being for me that day, and all across the nation that i am some princess who the day celebrates for.

but all in all, i would just not feel at home celebrating my birthday today. i mean, i'm not even ready to have it yet, there is not a cake, my room is not clean, America is not alive and buzzing with the independence day buzz, i have not yet been to mass (which was over an hour ago), i don't have anything red and blue to wear (well just blue i like to count my hair as the red part seeing as a red shirt would clash with it), and to top it all off, i am just not ready to say that i am 18 yet!

it's kind of a scary thought, yes i get to buy cigarettes, porn and lottery tickets, i get to stay out past 11 and drive, i get to do anything i want around the house, i don't have to visit my dad anymore, i am a legal adult! but really i like just being a kid...it's nice to look forward to my birthday and say YEAH, i am going to be 18, but actually being there makes me think a bit.